"Where have you been Unadater?"
Ask so many of you each and every day.
No matter how many times I'm desired, I can never get over myself enough to actually complete a full sabbatical to the Dhali Lama.
I need stimulus. I need activity. I need movies. I need Poonany.
Even the kind that's violent.
I need my Gold Calculator Watch AAAND my Amazing Gucci Black and Tortosie Shell Sunglasses.
I love flip-flops more than ever.
Yes, I've been in Florida, and no, my heart did not miss you... But I am so honored that so many of you have missed me.
Most New Yorkers cannot understand Florida. They think its boring. They think there's nothing that Florida can actually add to the excitement that is the Big Apple. They think it's full of pastel colors and beautiful sunsets and old people who couldn't care less about how much they weigh.
New Yorkers... I've got news for you. There are more old people, more-physically fit, than most bankers you'll find in Wall Street.. and their beautiful leathery skin... and there's enough Viagra floating around so that yacht boat sex is made possible throughout the Intercoastals while sweet-sipping on Mojitos. With fresh Mint, of course.
Florida is... Heaven. New York is... the Gate that Leads to Heaven.
Or maybe... that place in-between purgatory in Divine Comedy.
Anyways, I'm back. I landed at approx 2:05, Friday, May 30th at LaGuardia's Airport.
New York.. I may not have missed you, but believe me when I say this.. the 3 month spring break that I endured has given me, beyond all reasonable doubt, the strength to continue on, in mass quantities, my extreme, sociopathic.. compulsive.. manic spending, serial-dating ways. Especially now that I have a super-hot tan, even bigger muscles... and, have I mentioned my Gucci's-- both black and tortoise-shell... and an abundance of flip-flops.
You may wonder, "Why is he so cocky and not glorifying his journey home?"
Well. I just wanted you to remember just who you are dealing with here.... I am not a hero-- I am an anti-hero.
I am not someone you worship like Carrie Bradshaw--- I'm someone who Fucks Carrie Bradshaw.I am somebody who wants to have Anal Sex with Carrie Bradshaw.. though I don't think she's ever had it. But I know that other Whore has.. what's her name? Tabitha?
And you know the redhead has-- Because all redheads have had anal sex.
SOOOO I just want you to know that I'm back.. not really.. well no, I did want you to know that I'm back
And don't worry-- plenty of Spring Break stories to come.
I just need to have my scar marks on my back healed. (Note to self: never have sex with a violent, kinky girl named after one of the 50 states when you have a sunburn on your back and have one of your friends play golf with her the next day. She might fall in love.. and stalk you.)
Oh how I miss Florida already.
8 comments:
About time you got your ass back!! LOL I have been on spring break and to Vegas and now you come back!
Glad you had a good time, I thought you might give up sex for awhile.. well since you were on Spring BREAK!!
Anywhoooooooooo I will chat atcha later!!
Single!
Finally back! We've missed ya
Alabama?
NYC kicks Florida's ass IMHO, and I've lived in both. Plenty of ex-New Yorkers now live in Florida, though, so there are apparently some people who agree with you.
I think of Florida as full of pastel colors, old people, and guys with too much hair product, body spray, and gold necklaces on. Golfing by day, and clubbing by night. Just make sure you wipe of the stripper glitter before it soaks in.
what? it's almost end of june and not another post?
dare i say... slacker?
hey! Get writing again! :)
Yes we missed you a lot...I missed you very much...Good to see you back.
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