Saturday Night Wingman for CFO

Sometimes you have to back off and let your entourage get the golden compass towards a woman's va-jay-jay. So on Saturday I took a break as hard as it was for me and played wingman for the evening.

I would like to think I am an excellent wingman because I can start a conversation with anyone and force the issues very bluntly without my friends having to make fools out of themselves.

CFO and myself took to the West Village stopping first off at Centro Vinoteca where my friend Anne, Sous Chef for Mario Batali, is the head chef there. The food is incredible. It's like eating all that fantastic food you dream about when you watch Iron Chef America on the Food Network. I could devour the whole menu in one night!

Having already eaten we decided just to have a digestivo which is an after dinner drink the Italians sip on after ingesting all that garlic, shellfish, and spices. Think of it as the Tums of liquor. However, it does not keep your farts down nor from stanking up the place, but it does make your belly feel better.

We moved on to the Village Tavern where we both had to take a leak. However, a super hot Jewish girl playing pool by herself as her blond French friend looked on diverted my eyes. Sacrificing my bladder for my sex organ I decided to strike up a conversation and neg her on her skills or lack there of in using the white ball to put the color balls in the holes.

Feisty and stubborn she persisted that she did not need help from moi and eventually got all the balls in. We continue to flirt and the infamous "What do you do?" question pops up. She is an accountant and audits companies, and I am like "What a coincidence, all I do is spend money and CFO counts it."

Finding out what I really do she immediately begins to offer her 2 cents on my occupation, which most people do? Actually I love it when people do that instead of just being like, "oh that’s cool." Makes me feel more important even if they are criticizing me constructively.

Having something to talk about I was able to get her away from Frenchie so CFO could talk with her. While I argued with Ms Know-It-All accountant CFO and Frenchie actually had a great conversation. Knowing that the seed has been planted we head over to a nearby club playing house music and I begin to rip up the dance floor. The girls came with.

Now girls love it, like cream their panties love it, when a guy ditches them to show off his moves on the dance floor all by himself. It shows confidence and an assertive sexiness that as a dude I am not going to just stand on the wall all night while the girls grind on one another. Naturally within 2 minutes Ms Accountant and Frenchie are on the dance floor coming out of their opinionated shells and grinding their collective booties all over my crotch. CFO joins and the party is underway.

I received the "FUCK ME" eyes from my number cruncher and immediately went in for the kiss. Knowing CFO would follow suit he closed in as well and operation make out was in full warfare.

After about of hour of sweaty sexy dancing you could see the girls beginning to fade and stated it was time for the night to end. Naturally like gentlemen CFO and myself acted as if we were leaving as well and walked the girls out. Number exchanges happened long before we began dancing so with a quick kiss a cab came by and whisked our smart girls away. Immediately the first words that CFO belted were, "Do you want to go back in?"

OF COURSE!!!

However, we noticed that the club was in fact empty and so we opted out quickly and headed to Bar 55 nearby. It too was closing down, but CFO noticed a hot little Asian sitting all alone in the corner smoking a cigarette and decided to set up camp next to her.

I bought the 3 of us shots and got the ball moving quickly by bringing up naughty topics just to see if she could be down for crazy casual sex. Insisting that she was already drunk she took the shot anyway and my warm up words did in fact excite her. She even mentioned that I need to settle down or we are going to have to get a cab before we get more shots.

Telling us she worked at an adult lingerie store I immediately asked to see her panties and to feel how soft they were. She obliged and from that point on it was all CFO.

Horny myself from her freakiness and her willingness to play the game I had to back off considerably. So I opted out of Bar 55 and cabbed it home.

The next morning I got a text from CFO at 1pm.

"She came home for a late dessert and suckle'd on my roasted pork!"

I have no idea what that means actually, but I do believe I succeeded in my duty as a wingman on Saturday night.

See I'm not all bad!